mr nice guy? or mr great guy?

I had a big ol' blog typed up about a whole lotta nothing and I deleted it because I am tight like that. so now this post will be full of a whole lotta crap with some exciting crap added to it.

so today I was reminiscing about some people from my past. not because I miss them or want them back in my life, but because I had a good time with them when they were there. I really do try to take the good times/memories with me so that I can smile about them later.

I used to have this ex-boyfriend in high school that was a really nice guy. really good looking. very shy. beautiful eyes. nice mouth. but he lacked leadership skills. I think this, plus his raging hormones is what turned me off about him.
Still the good times is what I remember - like how he used to let me talk and talk and talk. (although I think a lot of this had to do with him being shy) And when we hung out at school, he was a gentleman and would hold my books. he used to brag to others that I was his girlfriend like if I was a big deal (well I am, but he didn't need to tell the world). He really did make me feel like if I was a nice girl. All of it used to make me smile.
And then we broke up.
I can't remember why. what can I say it was high school But I do remember that we saw each other like 2 years later and I thought to myself - what if we got back together again?

I don't regret the break-up or the fact that I never pursued the question above. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Maybe that nice guy just wasn't meant for me. Obviously he isn't because I have Mr. Tortilla Face and I can't see myself with anyone else.
I do wonder though what kind of person I would be now if I would have stayed with him. that is if we would have lasted after high school I wonder if I would have kids now. I wonder if I would have eventually gotten ... quieter.

ok I am done with the wondering. He was a nice guy and I appreciate the memories given, but when it comes down to it - he was just a stepping stone. Things happened between him and I for a reason. And I might not know what that reason is, but I do know that somehow it led me to Mr. Tortilla Face. Let's face it, he might not be the sweetest guy out there. And I definitely would not classify him as a nice guy. but he is a great guy. And only he knows how to battle me to death and make me smile all in one hour. How could I ask for more?
although a fuller set of lips wouldn't be too much to ask for right? kidding. he knows I love kissing him.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

one more drink please... of water that is!

I have decided to give up drinking.

no, I am not an alcoholic. I do not have a drink on a daily basis or even on a weekly basis. but, I am a social drinker and I do enjoy having a drink on the weekend to help me relax or to loosen up a bit. So I have decided to give up this part of social Cin.

Me giving up my drinking is not because of moral obligations.
I do not think a person can automatically be labeled as a bad person, condemned to hell, because they choose to have a shot of Patron (with lemon and salt on the side please).
BUT
I do think that drinking can be a bad thing when the person does not have self-control and abuses it. People that drink and then act like if they belong in the cave-man times are so not cool.
I do not fit in this category. I am sure that I can, but I know how to hold my liquor for the most part.

The reason that I am choosing to steer away from the alcohol, (even though I know that this will be hard) is for my health. I have a goal to reach regarding my health. With this goal, I have chosen to make sacrifices now, so that I can enjoy later.
I have already given up soda, which was not as hard as I thought it would be. Although I admit that when I do sip on PEPSI, it's like speed running down my throat. (oh sweet PEPSI how I miss you).
Chocolate was the next victim on my list. That one, I admit was hard. I still stare at it with dreamy eyes as others enjoy it in front of me. cruel world.
And now I have moved on to alcohol.
oh margaritas, how I will miss sipping on you while out to dinner with the ladies and cracking jokes about life and anyone close enough to be a target. how I will miss the threesomes that we have had with Mr. Tortilla Face. And please, never let go of the memories of me puking and crying and puking and cleaning and crying because my mascara was running (I swear that this only happens in Vegas). but for now, I have to put you to the side and let go for a while.

so why will this be so hard you ask? mostly because I am exaggerating and want to seem as if though I have no self-control. the truth is that it's the environment that I have been in lately that makes me think that this might be hard. I have been in a lot of social settings where drinking is around me and being served left and right. And although it is easy to say "water please." it is also easy to say "oooh. a PatronRita!"
I do not want to lock myself up in my room simply because I know that alcohol will be at the next social function. Instead, I want to take the challenge and truly test myself. Will I give in to that voice in my head that says "oh one small drink won't hurt." or will I be strong and say "water please."
I do not promise anything. This is a test that I am willing to take on. I might have the same results as the soda and chocolate and pass without a problem. Or I might just fail this coming Saturday! Whichever way, it will be interesting to see... stay tuned for updates.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

to cuddle or not to cuddle

contrary to popular belief... I love to give and receive affection

I really do not know why people doubt that I am the affectionate type and why I feel the need to have to defend my ability to give and receive affection. yet I do it plenty of times (look at me now, I am even blogging about it)

I have heard on many occasions from friends and even family that I do not seem like the type that likes it.
My sister once told me that she knows that I don't like to show my emotions, so that is why she is reserved with me. yet, this same sister gets in bed with me to watch television and calls me her "hermanita" in baby talk. And this is the same sister that gave me a hug just the other day because we had not seen each other in a good while even though we live so close. And we said "hey... " in excitement because we finally hung out. its a bit trickier with family because in a way its a given that I love them. still, I know that its nice to hear it sometimes. so since we are not the verbal type in my family - I show it. or at least I think I show it.
With some of my friends, I do not know whether I should give them a hug when I haven't seen them in a long time because some of them seem standoffish. And although its what I intend to do, its hard to try to get a reading on their body language while going in for the hug and then pulling back if they seem weirded out by the embrace. by then it all seems awkward to hug. Sometimes I feel like saying "man, I've missed you." (although my friend might not necessarily be a man) and all that comes out is "hey! I haven't talked to you in a while." once more, I hold back because I do not know how they will take it.

in reality, I love showing people that I care. Even if its in my style - subtle. I like to do those little things that I know will let my friends or family know that I pay attention. And I love when people appreciate me in their life.

maybe if I do less shit-talking people will see that deep down inside I am a cuddly care bear that loves to share rainbows and smiles. ok maybe not that far, but I really do like showing and receiving affection. Well, considering that my ability to talk shit will probably not end any time soon - I guess that for now I will just have to continue proving my affection-giving abilities.

enjoy the silence (what the heck, enjoy an Internet hug from me as well)
-Cin