did you know that people suck? yea... they still do.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
today is the day of a significant change in my life. I am excited. I am proud. I am scared. I am confident. I am glad that I have Mr. Tortilla Face to share this with. I wouldn't want it any other way.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
my blog has been a bit negative recently. sorry mostly because there have been a lot of changes in my life recently. the biggest one is my opinion on some of my friends/acquaintances/family. the change has caused me to reorganize my priority list. It also allowed me to learn that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. my relationship with Mr. Tortilla Face is stronger than I even imagined. so although I have been a bit down because of the recent changes, I am happy that my life is moving in a direction that I have wanted in a long time. And although it might be sad that not everyone I love and care for is coming along for the ride - I can live with that.
they say you are your ten closest friends - why keep someone around that is only dragging me down? or being negative?
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I am thankful for friends though. Devina and I finally got through a huge hurdle - she got her MOH dress!!!!! which means that I can now do a lot of stuff. not that I am doing any of it, but I can do them now!!!!! Her dress is bootyful (and I'm not saying that because of her) I just really like it. its simple. its a great color. and it will make my vision come true.
She has actually been a great help in getting me out of this hole that I have been in. Friday night we shopped and dined. I was in the worst of moods on Friday and she made it all better. Even though she didn't let me buy these blue flats that were so purty.
And then Saturday, after hanging out with the soon to be mom-in-law, we went to Beverly Hills. shopped. had a great lunch. talked. compared penises. and shared our lunch. actually I made her take mine, but whatevs. same difference.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
and now the only thing I need that would make things go smoothly is seeing my nephews. I will be travelling up north (to go see them of course) and then ... only then ... will things really be turning around for me.
so until then - I am waiting patiently.
I am sitting happy that Bonds wishes me happiness.
I am leaving on Friday.
And I might do a little dance. For ol' times.
enjoy the silence
-Cin
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
enough is never enough
so it is now lunch time. a time for myself. a time to relax. a time to step back from work... and blog.
I have a couple of things I want to blog about, but I think that I am only going to blog briefly. I have a good lunch waiting for me and there really is no sense making it wait.
I have a couple of things I want to blog about, but I think that I am only going to blog briefly. I have a good lunch waiting for me and there really is no sense making it wait.
- so when is enough really finally enough? people get tired of situations. of people. of so many other things. and something inside of them does not allow them to separate themselves of those situations. or people, or whatever. instead they stick around. they're not happy. they put up with it. sick isn't it? why not just GO. separate. say fuck it? I guess we all come with different tolerance levels - but what will it really take for someone to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH?
- economy is garbage. or at least that is what I hear. and people are getting laid off. once more, its all hearsay. It has not happened to me (thankfully). Does that mean that no one is hiring? Does that mean that you kind of have to tolerate where you are currently employed and your current boss due to economy being so shitty? Is it fair for bosses to use that excuse... economy is bad right now, that is why we cannot give you a raise (or promotion)? and when does this excuse from your boss become old? which then leads me back to my first comment. when is ENOUGH really ENOUGH?
- is it fair to say that once a cheater... always a cheater? or once a liar... always a liar? (I am not talking about white lies either) how many chances should you give someone that keeps lying to you? how many times do you say "ok I will give our friendship/relationship another go," even though they keep playing the part over and over again? and how much time should you let go by before you give them another chance? how many times do they have to do you wrong before you say ENOUGH is ENOUGH?
- on another note, you can tell when a person is a good person because of the friendships that they maintain. if they can carry a friendship, then they are most likely able to succeed in other things in life. or at least have a positive attitude towards life. why?... because they are commited. because they are most likely understanding. because they do not give up and pull through. that does not mean that because you and I are not friends, that you are a bad person. It just means that we might not be compatible for each other. Or maybe we just haven't really tried.
- how many more years will it take for the Dodgers to make the playoffs? ok that was a low blow... they are technically still in. But man... can they just win already? it has been 20 freakin' years!!!!!!! Dodgers ask yourself... when is ENOUGH really ENOUGH?
on that note... I am off to lunch. JZ feel better =)
enjoy the silence
-Cin
Monday, August 11, 2008
crap-o-la
something has been on my mind recently that does not allow me to enjoy my day to day routine. I have a bit of a grudge against life right now. I do want to vent a bit on here, but there will be discretion due to this forum being out in the open for anyone to be a part of.
I want to be strong. I want to have faith in others.
Unfortunately, I have been trying to sift through lies recently. I am unsure of one person's words. I do not know if they are feeding me lies 100% of the time or just 50%. I am completely aware that the lies exist though. I have caught them in more than one. I know that they are definitely concealed underneath well rehearsed stories. Obviously, some weren't concealed well enough. Knowing that they exist makes me question a good 90% of what comes out of their mouth. I find myself trying to figure out what part of the daily conversation holds truth to it. And what part is oozing with lies.
What kind of friendship is this? It is so unstable. One day everything is just fine, and two days later I catch this person in lies. Most of the lies are small ones. Ones that can be easily avoided. This person fears reaction and I believe that they fear rejection. They want attention so badly, that they would lie just to maintain it. It makes it hard on me to carry a conversation about what is going on in their life. I have to decipher the truth amongst the lies. I end up disliking and questioning other people involved in the stories as well. So now, not only am I questioning the integrity of this person, but I am questioning who they associate themselves with. It is a bit unfair to the others, but the stories this person draws up for me makes me believe that wrong doers are out to get them.
I am trying so hard to maintain a positive attitude and I keep coming up with excuses as to why this person does what they do. Right now though, I am at a point in my life where these lies tire me. I am in no mood or shape or form to deal with them. I have bigger problems to tackle. I find these stories to be childish and a lame cry for attention. they are slowly discouraging me from maintaining a friendship with this person. should I stay or should I go?
normally, I would have a higher tolerance to deal with this individual. but this grudge that I currently have against life does not allow me to simply look away. Instead it has caused me to want to take this problem full on. And it has caused me to get angry. And it is slowly pushing me to walk away. I just want to shake it off. I just want to shake them. I do not want to lose the friendship, but I also do not want to lose my sanity and temper with this person. decisions. decisions. can someone help me out? anyone understand the dilemma? please give me an insight on how to handle this. I have not been able to think right recently. and in fear of just screaming and crying because life has handed me more drama - I want help. until I know what I want to do with this individual, I will continue doing as I have been this week. limited conversations.
enjoy the silence. I am dishing a lot of it lately.
Cin
I want to be strong. I want to have faith in others.
Unfortunately, I have been trying to sift through lies recently. I am unsure of one person's words. I do not know if they are feeding me lies 100% of the time or just 50%. I am completely aware that the lies exist though. I have caught them in more than one. I know that they are definitely concealed underneath well rehearsed stories. Obviously, some weren't concealed well enough. Knowing that they exist makes me question a good 90% of what comes out of their mouth. I find myself trying to figure out what part of the daily conversation holds truth to it. And what part is oozing with lies.
What kind of friendship is this? It is so unstable. One day everything is just fine, and two days later I catch this person in lies. Most of the lies are small ones. Ones that can be easily avoided. This person fears reaction and I believe that they fear rejection. They want attention so badly, that they would lie just to maintain it. It makes it hard on me to carry a conversation about what is going on in their life. I have to decipher the truth amongst the lies. I end up disliking and questioning other people involved in the stories as well. So now, not only am I questioning the integrity of this person, but I am questioning who they associate themselves with. It is a bit unfair to the others, but the stories this person draws up for me makes me believe that wrong doers are out to get them.
I am trying so hard to maintain a positive attitude and I keep coming up with excuses as to why this person does what they do. Right now though, I am at a point in my life where these lies tire me. I am in no mood or shape or form to deal with them. I have bigger problems to tackle. I find these stories to be childish and a lame cry for attention. they are slowly discouraging me from maintaining a friendship with this person. should I stay or should I go?
normally, I would have a higher tolerance to deal with this individual. but this grudge that I currently have against life does not allow me to simply look away. Instead it has caused me to want to take this problem full on. And it has caused me to get angry. And it is slowly pushing me to walk away. I just want to shake it off. I just want to shake them. I do not want to lose the friendship, but I also do not want to lose my sanity and temper with this person. decisions. decisions. can someone help me out? anyone understand the dilemma? please give me an insight on how to handle this. I have not been able to think right recently. and in fear of just screaming and crying because life has handed me more drama - I want help. until I know what I want to do with this individual, I will continue doing as I have been this week. limited conversations.
enjoy the silence. I am dishing a lot of it lately.
Cin
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
to be a friend.. or not to be
Friendships are like relationships. you have to care for them and nourish them and take time for them just like when being a relationship. It will not grow on its own. It needs a little TLC just like everything else. Just like in relationships, friends come in different levels. Some people are friendly acquaintances. You might work with this group or go to school with them. They are fun to hang out with, go have a drink, watch a movie, share a joke. Some are friends because of routine. These are the folks you say hi to on the bus. Or the ones that you say hello to when you are walking out of your building. They're not really friends. You might not even know their names, but there is contact. And then there are the ones that help your life run smoothly. The ones that you can call on a monthly basis and talk as if though there was never a void. The ones you actually miss. Those are the true friends.
Unfortunately, some people do not understand the concept of a friendship. For the sake of me being an analytical person, I am going to share two different people in regards to this:
My first "friend" was actually really close with me. We used to talk a lot. We used to hang out a lot. We did the typical "BFF" stuff. Until work came in the way and it opened my eyes to her true nature. I knew she was competitive and I knew she wanted more out of her life. This is a good characteristic to have. But she went beyond being a competitive person. She became ruthless. She stopped communicating and trusting . In my opinion those are the two main things that help a relationship/friendship grow. Once both are gone, why bother? Why did she switch on me? What went so wrong that she treated me like an enemy? She was a weak person with a strong mask. She knew how to play the part really well. She wanted to pretend that she was this great an independent strong woman, when she was a sad little girl that needed her father. The lack of a father role in her life caused a lot of pain and destruction for her. She needed someone in her life and unfortunately, she became an empty little girl. She lost sight of our friendship because of all of the stuff going on in her life and now we have gone different ways. I can really say so many negative things about her. But for the sake of being a human being and not stooping to her level... I will end this story with - I hope we never have to cross paths again. Funny how close we used to be. Now, I don't even want to share the same air with her.
My second "friend" is/ was not as close. We have talked a good amount, but I cannot tell you that we are really and truly close. I still have some of my guard up. This friend, is younger then I am. And I can really tell the difference between us in her decision-making and her outlook in life. Her age does not really bother me. I can deal with her being younger. But, I have learned that she has a lot of personal problems that she blames on everyone but herself. She seems to like to play the pity game. Who will pity her so that she will feel better with her life which has become really involved with lies. Her lies are big ones, small ones, pointless ones. This says a lot about her. And I cannot stand the lies. They have started to overlap with our friendship and it is slowly turning me off and away from her. I try to give my all to the friendship, but this one seems one-sided. And it seems as if though it is a game to a little girl. I have grown out of time for games. I'd rather disconnect myself from these people. This story has a simple ending; I have not given up on this person as of yet. I will confront them and give them a chance. But if I get let down... I will push away completely. It is pointless to have a liar as a friend.
So why have I shared these stories? Well these stories and these people are a part of me in one way or another. They have caused some kind of impact in my life and I am now able to step away from bad friends much quicker. The first friend prepared me in one way for the second one. I share their stories because I know that there are plenty of broken friendships out there. Mine are just added to the list. I share them because it helps me feel better. I know it will not erase what has happened, but I can go on. so having said all of that.... I have work to do.
enjoy the silence people
-Cin
tomorrow I will have three additional holes put on my body.
Unfortunately, some people do not understand the concept of a friendship. For the sake of me being an analytical person, I am going to share two different people in regards to this:
My first "friend" was actually really close with me. We used to talk a lot. We used to hang out a lot. We did the typical "BFF" stuff. Until work came in the way and it opened my eyes to her true nature. I knew she was competitive and I knew she wanted more out of her life. This is a good characteristic to have. But she went beyond being a competitive person. She became ruthless. She stopped communicating and trusting . In my opinion those are the two main things that help a relationship/friendship grow. Once both are gone, why bother? Why did she switch on me? What went so wrong that she treated me like an enemy? She was a weak person with a strong mask. She knew how to play the part really well. She wanted to pretend that she was this great an independent strong woman, when she was a sad little girl that needed her father. The lack of a father role in her life caused a lot of pain and destruction for her. She needed someone in her life and unfortunately, she became an empty little girl. She lost sight of our friendship because of all of the stuff going on in her life and now we have gone different ways. I can really say so many negative things about her. But for the sake of being a human being and not stooping to her level... I will end this story with - I hope we never have to cross paths again. Funny how close we used to be. Now, I don't even want to share the same air with her.
My second "friend" is/ was not as close. We have talked a good amount, but I cannot tell you that we are really and truly close. I still have some of my guard up. This friend, is younger then I am. And I can really tell the difference between us in her decision-making and her outlook in life. Her age does not really bother me. I can deal with her being younger. But, I have learned that she has a lot of personal problems that she blames on everyone but herself. She seems to like to play the pity game. Who will pity her so that she will feel better with her life which has become really involved with lies. Her lies are big ones, small ones, pointless ones. This says a lot about her. And I cannot stand the lies. They have started to overlap with our friendship and it is slowly turning me off and away from her. I try to give my all to the friendship, but this one seems one-sided. And it seems as if though it is a game to a little girl. I have grown out of time for games. I'd rather disconnect myself from these people. This story has a simple ending; I have not given up on this person as of yet. I will confront them and give them a chance. But if I get let down... I will push away completely. It is pointless to have a liar as a friend.
So why have I shared these stories? Well these stories and these people are a part of me in one way or another. They have caused some kind of impact in my life and I am now able to step away from bad friends much quicker. The first friend prepared me in one way for the second one. I share their stories because I know that there are plenty of broken friendships out there. Mine are just added to the list. I share them because it helps me feel better. I know it will not erase what has happened, but I can go on. so having said all of that.... I have work to do.
enjoy the silence people
-Cin
tomorrow I will have three additional holes put on my body.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
