here I am again on my own

my brain looks like putty today. how do I know this? because my hairline told me so.

apparently I am old now. I stay out past midnight and wake up the following day at 6am... and it feels as if though my body has been stepped on by a sumo wrestler. and my brain is just as smashed and worthless. and of course, I have the bright idea of going out and staying out late on a Sunday night... so here it is Monday. Cin with a worthless brain and a worn out body.

at least yesterday was fun. Disneyland. you can never go wrong with Disney. and tortilla face of course. you mix those two together and its heaven =)

am I really getting that old?

yes, I am definitely having a moment. I used to be able to do all of this and some. Last weekend I went out with the girls, I got home past 3am. Woke up the next day around 8am. Did some flower girl's shopping (not my wedding, my sister's). Walked around with 3 little girls... that talk. and talk. and talk. and talk. Came home to do... actually I forgot what I did. But the thing is I was in bed by 9pm. Sleeping by 10ish. My body was slightly upset that I had deprived it of its resting time. And now yesterday I do this again. so here I am again.. lagging.
I think my body is definitely used to its usual routine of my Monday-Friday. Work. Gym. Home. Shower. Sleep. When I throw something in there that throws off the routine.. my body goes on strike. I tell myself that its not age. Its just the wheels that make my day go round and round. Those wheels do not enjoy an occasional wrench being thrown in there. They like the consistency. Age has nothing to do with it. (or at least that is what I tell myself).

well whatever it is, it doesn't matter anymore. I just have to get going. stop yawning. and get through the day. If I can make it through work, the rest of the day will be fine.

I have to get used to the occasional wrench disrupting my routine, because I recently looked at my calendar and realized that I have some VERY busy weekends coming up, especially in November... and December. so the young girl in me better wake up and help me out here or else I will have to resort to a case of Monsters.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

word of the day

frustrated.
I put my heart into everything I do or am involved in. I give it my all. True, at times I slack... I am human. I have my moments. But for the most part, I have true intentions and set out to make the best out of what I do.
Work is also something I take seriously. And I put my all into.
Today I had to take a step back from work. I had to do something to vent. So here I am. Hands shaking in fury. Tears being held in. And frustration pouring out of my pores.
I want to stick up for myself, but I have had to stop myself. My thoughts are everywhere and I would only sound like a ranting fool. I can sound like this at home, but not at work. At work, I am supposed to NOT make excuses as to why I am behind. I am supposed to prioritize the big stuff, but kick out the small stuff. I am supposed to handle 5 things at once, and complete them at the same time. Oh, and lunch... what is that? Working 9-5... who gets that schedule?
Last night... I took these latest worries home with me. So I woke up this morning with a crooked neck, bad back, and a bad taste from the day before. my motivation is here, but its hidden in fear of the emails I might receive today.
With the economy being how it is, all of this worries me. With my boss being how he is, I worry that no one will stick up for me. With my other boss not knowing how it is, I feel like if I am up against a wall. So today, I just want to get through theday. Email fairies - please divert all BAD emails to nobody here.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

tired. tired. tired.

have you ever heard of being sick and tired of being sick and tired?
that is me today. right now. at this very moment.
Freakin' people keep using my printer, (well its not really mine, it's company owned), but that is besides the point. The printer is on my desk because I print a lot. And although I do not mind sharing it - it bugs the hell outta me when I finally get around to printing... and its out of paper. Or it needs more toner. No one cares to refill the paper tray. No one asks if I need more paper from the warehouse. So I am stuck having to load, change, smack the printer.

And its not everyone that is using the printer - its ONE person. let me give a scenario:
1. I print.
2. nuisance prints.
3. I leave my papers on the printer because I am not done printing
4a. nuisance comes to get their papers and moves mine out of order.
4b. nuisance leaves papers that they either printed wrong, or printed too many in the printer instead of recycling.
5. nuisance looks over my shoulder or down my shirt for a daily cleavage shot.
6. I continue my printing, paper is out.

lameo. nuisance. not me. I went to their computer and made another printer their default printer. They figured it out and luckily (please note major sarcasm) changed it back to mine.
yeah, ok so maybe its NOT a big deal. But when I am trying to get in a routine at work, this is irritating. I have to stop what I am doing to fix it. Nuisance, please be a bit more courteous.
and that is what is happening in my life as of this morning. ha. so exciting.

enjoy the silence -

Cin

disconnected-.-

funny how one small piece of electronic can make me feel so disconnected from the world outside of work.
I left my cell phone at home... again. And it sucks. I feel so lonely when I go pee. I do not hear the door knock followed by Mr. Duck. I wonder if today will be the day that I get a phone call being told that I just hit the lotto or something along those lines. I wonder what my phone is doing... I enVy the little booger. it gets to lay on my bed. comfy. no worries in this world. while I worry of its activities.
lucky me - I have a lot of work and I get to stay here late. Which means that the reunion between my phone and I will be later than anticipated. I am counting the minutes down until I see its slick and silver coating. And I hear the little duck quacking at me telling me that I have a text.

ok so maybe I do not miss my phone that much, but I do feel disconnected. It's funny really. It's just a phone.

enjoy the silence from a phone that isn't here
-Cin

last day at work

oh the joy. last day of work today. I get to sleep in for some days. I really cannot wait. I find joy in the small things. this trip is going to be a serious one. this trip is going to be a relaxing one. this trip is going to be a trip.
if only I can get off of this funk that I am in... I need to wake up and kick ass at work, but last night was a long one. And I wish that I was still in bed. suck it up Cindy.
typing and exercising my brain always helps me wake up. so that was the purpose of this blog. too bad I can't think of anything to type about.
people wake me up!!!

enjoy the silence in my head

Cin

double-u, tee, eff

today was supposed to be a good day. f*ck him for ruining it so early in the morning. It isn't even 9 in the morning and he has managed to be an asshole already. Good job! thumbs up to ya. I was not aware that my job required me to be an accountant, assistant and a baby-sitter. I should get paid extra for that last one.
I refuse to allow him to ruin my day. inhale... exhale. I am going to do my work to my best ability as I always do. I will leave him be with his sissy fits. maybe aunt flow came to visit him...
a big fu to him.

today he needs to practice and enjoy the silence

-Cin

welcome back to your office space

first day back to work... remind me again why I was missing this place?

this place is the same story different day. I have become a worker that stays at her present job due to the need of a paycheck, not because of the joy it brings to my life. sad. pathetic, but somebody has to pay my bills. and since I don't have a family full of riches or a sugar daddy - I guess that it will have to be me. I do have a plan on how to improve this part of my life. It is part of my new lifestyle... but like everything else, things take time.
For now, things are not completely unbearable. I was able to get through the day without feeling the need to walk out of the office and call it quits. I admit that sometimes, just like in every other office job (I imagine), you just feel like kicking the shit out of that printer that keeps giving you a hard time. You've gotta love that scene in Office Space. What job out there does not sometimes make you feel like if you are living proof of that movie? Oh well. enough of my J-O-B. It really is not worth me typing about it and thinking about it after I have worked my 9-5 for the day. This is Cin time.

ahhhh. I had so much to say just now. But I think that I am about to throw up. I just heard something that completely topped off coming back to work and dealing with this bullkaka. I definitely do not want to blog about it until I have collected my thoughts. For now... blah.

enjoy the silence --

Cin