marichui is my hero

I am mad.

I am happy.

I am sad.

I am excited.

all in a time span of two days.

you might think to yourself "self, Cin is bi-polar."

well guess what self... I'm not. true story. it's just my life.


let me explain.


I am mad at the fact that I have had a headache for about two days now. No, I am not on my period. Yes, I am blaming it on life. I will explain in the "I am sad" section.

I am happy because every time that I do something that is wedding related - like reserve rooms, or buy my name card stuff, or glitter (kidding, there will be no glitter), or sashes for my ladies - it brings a smile to my face. so much stuff has been happening lately, that it has not allowed me to really enjoy the fact that my wedding is slowly, but surely creeping up on me. This once more is life's fault. It throws plenty at you sometimes and keeps you occupied. You tend to forget to smell the roses, or to say "thank you" or "I love you." so recently I have allowed myself those guilty pleasures and have enjoyed those small wedding moments.

and then comes the I am sad part. Life always creeps back into your life to remind you that it is in control and always does it when you think you have things under control. This is where I was at. My grandma has improved tremendously from her surgery. She is almost back to her normal shit-talking self. This week she started chemotherapy. We knew that the tumor had reached her liver, but we were unsure as to how close it really was...until yesterday. Apparently, it has attached itself to her liver and there really isn't much that can be done for her. The doctor has given her 18 months to live. The chemo that is being given to her is only so that the cancer will not reach her pancreas and therefore giving her more time to live. Of course everyone reacts to chemo differently and there have been plenty of people that have lasted longer than the 18 months that they were given. For now, we play the waiting game. The chemo will be given to her as long as her body can take it. If it becomes too much for her, then the chemo sessions will not continue. There is no way she wants to live if she will be suffering. This is where I get mad. Mad at life. Mad that it would do this to her. Mad that I cannot do a thing about it. And then the sadness hits me. I cannot dwell on it, but the thought is there- what if she cannot be there the day I get married?

For now she is here. And she took the first session like a true champ. This is why I am excited. There is hope. There really is. And with that I can share with her the latest step in my life. Soon it will be complete, and when it is I will show her with pride and joy. And I know that she will be there for many more times of joy.

so you see, I am not bi-polar. I am just living life the only way I know how. With a smile on my face. With tears in my eyes. With a fist in the air. And with a knot of butterflies in my stomach.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

i have to pee

last night I had a great conversation with someone and it went a little like this:

Catholic: ok Cin, see you Monday!

self: Monday? you won't be here tomorrow?

Catholic: naw man! I don't work on Good Friday.

self: oh alright then. see you Monday!

Catholic: can you believe that they made me use my vacation time for my day off request???? (a look of pure disbelief all over his face)

self: yea. what's wrong with that? (I am sure that my face had a big question mark on it)

Catholic: it's Good Friday!!! that's a holiday!

self: it's not a holiday in the U S of A my friend... and it's definitely not a holiday in this company.

Catholic: that is stupid. I shouldn't have to waste my vacation time for Good Friday... its a holiday!!!

self: why not? Good Friday is not a national holiday.

Catholic: why not? Easter is.

self: Good Friday is part of your religion. The church and government are considered separate entities. They do not celebrate religious holidays as a nation because we have the freedom to choose a religion in the US.

Catholic: well that is stupid.

self: why is it stupid? because we have rights? if we celebrate the Catholic holidays as a nation then we would have to acknowledge the holidays and customs of the Jewish community, Presbyterians, Baptist, 7DA and so on. This is why the constitution keeps this as two separate entities. That way our rights as US citizens are not violated when it comes to choosing your religion.

Catholic: well that is dumb.

self: why?

Catholic: because my right is being violated as a Catholic to celebrate my custom.

self: no it's not. the company acknowledged your request and gave you tomorrow off. they're just not paying you for it out of their own pocket. and by law, they are in the right. plus, you're not even a citizen.

Catholic: what about Easter? everyone celebrates Easter!

self: I don't.

Catholic: you've never gone egg hunting?

self: yes I have.

Catholic: well then...

self: well then what? what does Easter and egg hunting have to do with each other for a Catholic?do Catholics pray to the Easter Bunny on Sunday? egg hunting is more of a corporate holiday. It does not tie in with your religion.

Catholic: no, but people associate the two together.

self: yes, but its not for religious purposes. plus, egg hunting is not considered a national holiday.

Catholic: (the look is now an upset one) whatever. see you Monday.

self: bye.

---

I was not trying to argue with this person. really, I wasn't. but some people just ... look better when their mouths are quiet.

most people think that I am not religious because of situations like these. the truth is that I am religious. I'm just not Catholic. And I know that there are many Catholics out there, especially in California. But it is not the only religion. People should really educate themselves before assuming or jumping to conclusions especially if they are going to argue about it. They really do look like asses when they act like if I am the daughter of Satan for eating chicken on Good Friday and because I don't see the connection between the Easter Bunny and the resurrection of Christ.
for those that are celebrating Easter - have a good one. =)
see... I am not the spawn of the devil.

enjoy the silence
-Cin