stars when you shine...you know how I feel.

someone asked me today - if you had a lot of money and did not need to get a paycheck, would you still work?

my first reaction is hands down HELL NO!!!!!! I have been working ever since I can remember. Why not live off of that money for a bit? It would be so awesome being able to lay out under the sun and enjoy it. Or taking my dog out for a walk and then stop for some Pinkberry. Because you have to have Pinkberry if you're walking your dog. They have water bowls outside of their shops. Who can resist that? And then there's naps. Who doesn't enjoy naps???

and then the ADD kid inside of me says... hey get off your ass!!! I would go insane just being at home and doing NOTHING. I would probably go out and get a job just to keep myself occupied. It really is hard for me to sit at home for a week. It drives me insane. This girl was not raised to be a stay at home spirit.

but who am I kidding... staying at home. in my pajamas. sigh
why not?
maybe I could get a part time job doing something that I would have fun doing - like at a pet shop. Or in a book store. Just so that I can release some energy and so that I could feel as if though I contributed to society. and by part time... I mean 2 hours.. of course.

ah to wish.
ok back to reality - 9 to 5. mon-fri. semi-corporate America. paycheck to paycheck.

what would you do?

enjoy the silence
-Cin

sisters will always be sisters

I have two different sisters. with two different personalities. and I bond with both the same, but on different levels.

my older sister and I did not have the closest relationship out there. as a matter of fact, I can tell you that we did not bond 100% of the time when she used to live down here. she has a very different personality and outlook on life than I do. I did not really understand her back then, but I see her differently now. I respect her a lot for the simple fact that she is the mother of my two adorable nephews. And because she learned to be the woman that she is on her own. She was pretty much married off at the age of 19. And she had to quickly learn to be a wife. And years later a mother. This makes her a strong person by nature, even though she comes off as being very shy and soft spoken. Although we do not see eye to eye on many things, I know that we get along better now.

then there's my little sister. this is another one that I did not bond with 100% of the time while growing up. As a matter of fact, there are stories told in which I was the culprit that rolled her off the bed when she was a couple of months old. And then there is also the time that I yanked her by the hair and dragged her to her room because she was misbehaving and she managed to claw me with her ginormous nails. (which btw I still have the scar to prove where she ripped skin off with her bare claws) all of that is in the past now. Now, we get along. Now, we can have actual conversations that do not end in physical confrontations. Now, I miss her. Once more, we do not see eye to eye on many things, but we definitely get along better now.

see, the point of this blog is to prove my previous blog. I am definitely growing up. Relationships that were difficult before, have improved. My patience with others has improved. I have learned how to coincide with others in a better fashion.

I have always loved my sisters, even though I did not say it or show it. The difference now is that the bond that I have with them is much stronger. And the respect and understanding for the choices they have made in their lives is greater as well. It doesn't matter if they do not agree with everything that I say or do and vice versa, I love them for who they are.

Maybe getting older is not so bad... maybe
there's still the minor details of getting wrinkly and of bartenders not asking me for my ID.
but the insight into my thoughts and my reasoning is making it all worth while.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

when you are young... you live this fantasy life. you come up with an image of how things are supposed to work out. you look at adults and their actions and think "silly grown-ups. I'm going to do it so much better." in your mind you have set up how great you will be as a wife/ husband/ parent. you have convinced yourself that you will know how to multi-task better than anyone in the history of multi-tasking and things will run smoothly.

and then you become one of these silly grown-ups. and life changes.

reality sets in and it does not hold back on how harsh life can sometimes be. sometimes even when you have plans, reality and life like to play around and change your plans. all of those fantasies that you used to have - out the window.
now don't get me wrong... I am not saying that you grow up and your dreams will never come true. I am just saying that reality and fantasy are very different. And for the most part, you cannot mistaken living in both. Unless you live in a padded room of course. But for the most part, your fantasies remain just that - images and dreams that you had as a kid of what life was going to be like.
life forces you to set priorities. It forces you to choose and make goals. It forces you to start your life in a way that does not necessarily play out how you wanted it to. it shoves reality in front of you when you search for a new home and realize that they do not all come with a white picket fence. or when you apply for a new job and realize that it does not automatically make you a millionaire.

this is where I am at right now. actually, I have been here for a while now. I am on stepping stones to a life I imagined when I was younger. and some of these stepping stones are jagged and uncomfortable, but I am pushing through because although I am a silly adult now... inside of me lives that kid that loves to dream and that fantasizes on a different life. the kid in me is what keeps me going and pushes me to want more out of this life, while the adult I have become reminds me that reality forces you to take things one at a time in order to survive life.

Although I think its a great balance to have... I don't ever want that kid to fade. If it's gone - then I fear living life as a robot on day to day routine that many of us already follow and with no dreams to pursue.
So don't let that kid fade. Keep your dreams alive. And push each day. Dream each day.

enjoy the silence
-Cin