love song

sing me a love song

the one where you proclaim your love to me

and tell me how much I make every sunset that
much more beautiful.

the one where the chorus repeats itself in
perfect harmony

and sings how I make life that much
sweeter.

sing me a love song

let the world know how you understand love now
that you felt it with me.

sing it softly, but sing it proud.

let me feel each word deep in my
heart

knowing why you carefully chose each word just
for me.

sing me a love song

let me love you back

unconditionally

with the tears
and the pain

and disagreements
and our jokes
and smiles
and our favorite everythings.

so sing me a love song
the one written just for me.
so that I can memorize the words
and sing them back to you.

... whenever I'm alone with you ...

enjoy the silence

-Cin

weekend summary

this past weekend was GREAT. as I stated before, I had plenty of activities to do. Early AM I headed out to downtown LA. (see picture of our skyline) I went to handle some shopping with the family. that was ... quite exhausting, but we accomplished a lot. then I made an appearance at a Mary Kay party for my bff.


And then make-up time at Becks' house, a little bit of bowling, and good times at the beach! that was all on Saturday. And then on Sunday... relax time. It was great. Oh... somewhere in there I was able to vent, discuss, talk, laugh with JZ about my recent issues with my friend. Although I have resolved some issues on my own and how I am going to handle them, it was good having someone else listen and tell me that I am not losing my mind! thanks for the sanity check.
I added some pictures that hopefully show what a great time I had! and if the pictures don't cut it... you're just going to have to trust me on this one!






other then that. I have nothing more to say. I will post later on about other things.


enjoy the silence

-Cin

Buddha and PichoPacho

this little man is my nephew Benjamin. He is my little buddha. He is the youngest of my nephews at 3 years old. Let me tell you something about this little booger - he is personality. personality. personality. he has this look about him that makes you think "aw. how cute!" but once his mind and his mouth get going - get outta the way, because he turns into Captain Jack Sparrow or Darth Vader (whatever movie he happens to be into at the time). he is so animated. at first he refused to talk. he just wanted to do his own thing. Then it seems as if though he decided he was ready to be a big boy and just started being part of conversations. He definitely does not have a problem telling you "NO!" or "I don't love you anymore!" He is the youngest, but runs the household without a problem. And even though he is a firecracker ready to go off... he is soooo loving. he always gives me kisses and tells me that he loves me. He gives me hugs. Wakes me up to a good morning kiss. Tells me "don't worry tia Cindy, I will help you!" I love my buddha.




and now my PichoPacho. this is my first nephew Eric. Ben's older brother. In case you are wondering which one he is, he is the Michael Phelps Jr that is jumping off! ok. ok. so maybe this is not a close up picture and you are not able to see how handsome he is. But I chose this picture because it reminds me so much of the little man that he is. He LOVES sports. Soccer is his love. when he was young, he knew players just by seeing what jersey they were wearing. And he couldn't read at 2, so its not like if he was reading the names on the back. Swimming is his latest thing. And let me tell you, he is pretty good at it. He keeps advancing level to level without a problem. In his last class he was amongst 10 year olds. This is who he is. He likes to venture into things that help him gain knowledge and grow. He has always been really quick on picking up on new things. He loves learning stuff that have to do with dinosaurs, astronomy, and sports. He is smart, funny, and shy. He LOVES his Tia Cindy and he definitely tries very hard to please me. Having a conversation with him is now very entertaining, especially since he contributes to it very well. And his smile... I love his smile. It lights up his beautiful eyes. I love my Picho Pacho.

these are my boys. Even after I have my own... these two will still be my boys. if they only knew how much they helped me years ago to get out of a rut I was in. this is only one of the reasons why they mean so much to me.

enjoy the silence

-Cin

weekend summary

this was a great weekend. Like always, I wish it was a longer one. I really think that Friday should somehow be incorporated into the weekends. I know some people that work 4 days a week, for 10 hours a day. Personally, I wouldn't mind having this schedule. I always feel as if though I just need 1 more day.
Anywho - so this weekend I had a party, I babysat a precious child. And I went to another party. Good times. I usually enjoy the weekends when I get to just relax. I enjoy being at home and just watching movies and cuddling in bed. But every now and then I need to get out and have a drink, socialize here and there, and just enjoy myself. That is what this weekend was like. I think next weekend might be the same. I already have Saturday kind of booked.
A thought came to me this weekend - what if I were to end up being a single mother? Am I up for that challenge? I know it can be done. My mom did it, and there are plenty out there that are doing it as well. But am I ready as a person to take on this task? Just a thought - I know I won't be a single mother - but I am just what-iffing. Sometimes you do not have control of what is handed to you. It is best to be prepared.
Oh, so thanks to all that have recently been reading my blog. I am lucky enough to have a fan that has sent my link out to some people. I have gotten great reviews. I have been told that they enjoy my writing skills. That is awesome! It was also interesting to hear their perspective on what they thought I was talking about when I wrote a certain post. Some of their ideas were way off. Some were on the dot. It has always fascinated me to sit with other people and read the same book, poem, whatever and then discuss what we got out of it. You would be surprised at how different we all see things. It is also quite fun finding out what the writer was really trying to convey and seeing how close your interpretation was. I had some great conservations about my posts and on others' views. So thanks for the extra hits! Keep coming back to read if you please. As for me, I will blog some other time. Time to work!

enjoy the silence
-Cin

tgif

man these Olympics are really kicking my butt. I love watching them as much as I love watching the World Cup, but they throw my sleeping schedule completely off. Today it caught up to me and I was 30 minutes late to work. The rest of the week I had pulled it off. Oh well, at least its Friday and I am able to rest tomorrow.
On another note - I miss JZ =( . Come back to me lol
My last post was a good therapy session. It helped me in more ways than one. I slept better that night. It felt as if though a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and I actually have answers to some of my questions. Like how to deal with my friend. Things have definitely improved within me on how to deal with this person.
It also opened the forum for someone from my past to come into my present and comment on it. This person never seems to want to go away. What can I say ... this person loves me. I have proof. This person's comments helped me see how far I have come. I am older now. I have more stability in my life. I have stronger friendships. I am happy. I have had my downs, but that is part of life. Ying Yang right? You have to take the good and bad. This person made me realize how lucky I am to have the life that I have and to have the people in my life. I appreciate the ones that I am closest to dearly. As for this person, they do not have a meaning in my life. Their words do not have any substance so I decided on not publishing their comments. There is enough chaos in this world. I do not need to add some of it to my blog. It is my blog and I want to keep it bullshit free. I really hope this person just moves on and lives their life to the fullest. I have nothing more to say to them. I will not be posting about them either. My blog is reserved for important things in my life. This person is not part of my life, and has no importance to me. So this is the last you will hear of them. If they decide to continue with the comments... I will continue with the REJECT button.
And now to my delicious lunch. Something that I craved since yesterday.

enjoy the silence

Cin

a letter to an old friend

long lost letter written to a friend. last paragraph was added today:

do you remember the day we first met? I was so scared that people would not like me. That I would not fit in. I knew that I was either going to be liked by others or I was going to dig a hole to hide in for the rest of my life. I wanted to be accepted by not only my peers and friends, but by my family as well. I came to you asking what did I have to do to ensure that this would always be the case. I knew that you would have the answers I was searching for. You told me that it did not matter what others thought. That I had to love myself first before anyone could see what a great person I really was. Or else, all they would see is someone miserable. And although misery loves company - not everyone enjoys it's company. I was confused. That was not exactly what I wanted to hear at the time. All I heard was you telling me that I was a great person. And that is what I chose to walk away with as your advice. I didn't know that you told me this only because you loved me unconditionally, regardless of my flaws and weaknesses.
so there I was... scared, naive, but ready to venture out into this world that was ready to swallow me whole. I felt so strong. I felt ready to take on any challenge. Times were hard. I had some highs, but I definitely had a lot of lows. I got hurt so many times along the way. People that I never thought would hurt me, did. So many that I thought were my friends, turned their backs on me. And many that I had been loyal to, forgot about me. And there I was again. scared and this time...alone. I thought you said I was a great person? I came back to you once more, puzzled, angry, in need of answers. Why did you tell me these lies!?!?!?!? Why did I feel lonely, even when friends were around? Like always you had a reply. You told me that I had failed to really listen to you. You told me that I had failed in loving myself. I had gotten so caught up with trying to impress everyone else. And trying to make sure everyone else was happy, that I forgot about the most important person - myself. You asked me how can I make someone else happy, when inside I was still the same person I was back when we first talked. I was trying to figure out what my self-worth was. And I cried for the first time in front of someone. I let it all out. So much time had passed. So many faces and names had come and gone. How can I recover all of those losses? Was I forsaken to a life that contained solitude?
And you reached out to me and gripped my hand tightly. You told me that it was true that so much time had passed. And that it was true that I had not followed your advice and had gone off the path. there was no more going back - only forward. But you told me there was still hope. You assured me that there was still time. Once more, I asked what could I do. And your answer was the same as before.
This time I walked away with my tears gone and my head high. If after all of this time you still had that much faith in me, then I knew that there had to be truth behind your words. I pushed myself. I improved on my day to day routine to become a better person. And each time something bad came along, I would make the best of it and push forward. As time passed it became easier to maintain friendships and relationships because I had realized who I really was and I was comfortable with that person.
After many years had passed, the one thing that remained constant in my life was my relationship with you. I knew that I could always turn to you for help and support. You never turned your back on me. You were never too busy for me. And one day I asked you, why was I so lucky to have you in my life? Your reply was simple. You said that you always knew that I was this great person. And that once I allowed you into my life, you knew you could never give up on me. And this is why you were always by my side. Even when I was at my lowest. Once more I cried. I was indeed lucky to have such a great friend.
And now- after many more years have been added to our friendship - I am once more in need of your calm and comforting words. Please help me find that peace within myself that I have been searching for recently. Please help me get a grip on my constant battles. If anyone can help me, it's you. For I know now that I am only a great person because of you and all you have done for me. This is why if anyone can help me get rid of these tears - it will be you. And until the day I die, the one constant thing in my life will always be you and your unconditional love for me. That on its own brings a bit of ease to my restless mind. Thank you.

enjoy the silence -

Cin

how much is that doggie in the window

this is my mammas, Chiquita, or Chiquis like most of us called her. We had Chiquis ever since she was 6 weeks old. She was a tiny, brown fur ball that fit perfectly into our palms. She easily made her way into our hearts. On May 27th, she passed away. She was 14 years old. She had lived a long and happy life with us. She left a lot of fond memories along with a void in my heart.

This fella is Comet. He is a golden retriever that we rescued from a shelter a bit before Chiquis passed away. They were able to hang out and become friends. We had had a Labrador retriever before him, Blackie (I cannot find a pic at the time). So we were used to this breed. Both Blackie and Comet have proven to be very smart and loving. Although it has only been a short time with him, he has proven to be my puppy =) He is currently attending training classes because he is a bit hyper and was getting out of hand for a while. Now he is starting to act like a true gentle pup.

And now our newest addition. This little lady is Minnie. She is a Pomeranian mixed with Chihuahua. She is not really the family's dog - she belongs to my sister Steph. Her colors are crazy. She has swirls of colors here and there and seems to have the face of a hyena. I have to admit that Chihuahas are not my choice in dogs, but she is simply adorable. She is a true lady in personality, always trying to run the house.

Why did I post about our pets? These little critters are not just pets in our family. They are members of the family and we are more then attached to them. When Chiquis died, we all grieved. When Comet improves we all praise him. When Minnie craves for attention, we all give it to her. They are like our siblings and we love them dearly. This is why I chose to share this. When Chiquis passed, I wanted to find another puppy to fill the void she had left. But as time passed, I realized that this was not possible. Chiquis would never be replaced. So I stopped thinking about it until recently. Now I want another puppy for my own. Everytime I see one available I want to take it home without thinking twice. Maybe I just need to have a kid already =P For now, this is put on the back burner. I have other things I need to take care of first before I get a new puppy. I love my pets, past and present.

*** no disrespect intended to Rocky and Blackie by not mentioning them. I did not have a picture on this computer for me to show properly. I promise to update once I get one.

enjoy the silence -

Cin

crap-o-la

something has been on my mind recently that does not allow me to enjoy my day to day routine. I have a bit of a grudge against life right now. I do want to vent a bit on here, but there will be discretion due to this forum being out in the open for anyone to be a part of.
I want to be strong. I want to have faith in others.
Unfortunately, I have been trying to sift through lies recently. I am unsure of one person's words. I do not know if they are feeding me lies 100% of the time or just 50%. I am completely aware that the lies exist though. I have caught them in more than one. I know that they are definitely concealed underneath well rehearsed stories. Obviously, some weren't concealed well enough. Knowing that they exist makes me question a good 90% of what comes out of their mouth. I find myself trying to figure out what part of the daily conversation holds truth to it. And what part is oozing with lies.
What kind of friendship is this? It is so unstable. One day everything is just fine, and two days later I catch this person in lies. Most of the lies are small ones. Ones that can be easily avoided. This person fears reaction and I believe that they fear rejection. They want attention so badly, that they would lie just to maintain it. It makes it hard on me to carry a conversation about what is going on in their life. I have to decipher the truth amongst the lies. I end up disliking and questioning other people involved in the stories as well. So now, not only am I questioning the integrity of this person, but I am questioning who they associate themselves with. It is a bit unfair to the others, but the stories this person draws up for me makes me believe that wrong doers are out to get them.
I am trying so hard to maintain a positive attitude and I keep coming up with excuses as to why this person does what they do. Right now though, I am at a point in my life where these lies tire me. I am in no mood or shape or form to deal with them. I have bigger problems to tackle. I find these stories to be childish and a lame cry for attention. they are slowly discouraging me from maintaining a friendship with this person. should I stay or should I go?
normally, I would have a higher tolerance to deal with this individual. but this grudge that I currently have against life does not allow me to simply look away. Instead it has caused me to want to take this problem full on. And it has caused me to get angry. And it is slowly pushing me to walk away. I just want to shake it off. I just want to shake them. I do not want to lose the friendship, but I also do not want to lose my sanity and temper with this person. decisions. decisions. can someone help me out? anyone understand the dilemma? please give me an insight on how to handle this. I have not been able to think right recently. and in fear of just screaming and crying because life has handed me more drama - I want help. until I know what I want to do with this individual, I will continue doing as I have been this week. limited conversations.

enjoy the silence. I am dishing a lot of it lately.

Cin

guess who's back...

unfortunately I am in no mood to post today. It is my last day of vacation. I have to head back to work tomorrow and I do not want to spend today on the computer blogging about my trip. so I will leave you in suspense and come back tomorrow. for now - I leave you with one picture.

hopefuly you can read it. one of my favorite messages on a car so far. only in Oakland.

I WISH MY GIRL WAS THIS DIRTY

enjoy the silence-

Cin

last day at work

oh the joy. last day of work today. I get to sleep in for some days. I really cannot wait. I find joy in the small things. this trip is going to be a serious one. this trip is going to be a relaxing one. this trip is going to be a trip.
if only I can get off of this funk that I am in... I need to wake up and kick ass at work, but last night was a long one. And I wish that I was still in bed. suck it up Cindy.
typing and exercising my brain always helps me wake up. so that was the purpose of this blog. too bad I can't think of anything to type about.
people wake me up!!!

enjoy the silence in my head

Cin