pro8, prop h8, prop l8, prop w8 <-- how clever I am.

before anyone goes around yelling at me, please know that this is not meant to defend prop 8 nor is it meant to protest against it.
As a matter of fact, I am not even going to tell you what side of the line I am on. I simply want to share an observation, so if you are close-minded STOP READING NOW!!!

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There is the group that is against it. ...PSAs have been made. Flags have been waved. Rallies have taken place.

And then you have the ones that are for it. ... Actually I am not sure what they have been doing, but I am sure that they are out there as well trying to get their point across.

---anywho... back to my point. there is one I promise.

One thing I have heard from the ones rallying against it is "equality for ALL of us"
just today, Ellen DeGeneres said on her twitter "Gov. Arnold S. said he voted against prop 8 and knows that one day it will be overturned. Thanks for being a governor to ALL Californians." yes, I did just quote a twitter.

so here is where my observation starts. my questioniong, my need to rant...

if you reject prop 8, are you really being equal to ALL?

Right now, the ones against prop 8 feel that their rights are being violated and that they are not being treated equally as Californians and as US Citizens. Their "lifestyle" (as it's called) is not being recognized by the government.
Now if you were to reverse the proposition, would the ones that are for prop 8 feel that their rights are being violated and that they are not being treated equally because the government is imposing them to accept this "lifestyle"?
And going even further to what Ellen and others have said...(although to me Arnold is a joke and I really don't care if he goes back to being the Terminator), do the Californians that back up prop 8 now feel that he is not their governor because he made that comment? does that in turn make Ellen's comment a false one because he is not being the governor of ALL Californians?

my observation:
the government is backed up against a wall, or getting really close to it. who does it side with?

the people have spoken and prop 8 was passed. And although there was a group out there that spoke against it, its voice was not heard because the majority drowned them out. whether this proposition stays as it is, or the minority turns into the majority and eventually overturns it... there will always be a group of Californians and US Citizens that will feel as if though they are not being treated equally. The government will never be able to be the government for ALL of us. History proves that time and time again, rallies have taken place. Rights have been fought for by a group of people that feel that they are being treated unfairly. It is our right to speak out.

to me, the real question is: is California... and the U.S. ...really ready to accept this "lifestyle" as part of society and recognize it as an equal?
The votes show that the last time California was asked... the majority said no.
But hey...there is no need to lose hope. Don't forget how far we have come. In case you've been living under a rock this year, I have one word for you: Obama.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

you learn a lot about others when they learn to shut up

so I was in Vegas this weekend with my MOH. good times. I did not expect to make it an "OHMYGOD-WHATHAPPENSINVEGASSTAYSINVEGAS-GIRLSONLY" kinda trip. It was just about the wedding. So we relaxed a lot. Gambled a little. Drank a little (oopsie, but I swear it was a little, not even worth mentioning) I had fun. And I accomplished plenty.

having said that - holy crap, time goes by FAST. please month of June go a little slower, I still have some things I need to do. Don't let July come by so quickly.

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in other news - Mr. Tortilla Face was left with a list of three things that he needed to accomplish while I was away - he accomplished none of them. that is why I love him.
BUT he did take me to Yoshinoya when I came back because he knew that I was hungry and I love that place. score one for him.

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I think I will make an alias and make a new blog. One where I can say as I please. Because this one, although I rant and all - there are limitations. I hate limitations. who knows. I am too lazy to think about it right now. let alone come up with one.

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I have a lot on my mind right now and want to say so much, but like always I wouldn't even know where to start. So I won't. Let's just leave it at the fact that I am questioning a lot of stuff.

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I dreamt that I was having a baby the other day. So real. So nice. It was a little boy. that is all there is to that. no need to elaborate.
I am now... off to enjoy the holiday.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

stars when you shine...you know how I feel.

someone asked me today - if you had a lot of money and did not need to get a paycheck, would you still work?

my first reaction is hands down HELL NO!!!!!! I have been working ever since I can remember. Why not live off of that money for a bit? It would be so awesome being able to lay out under the sun and enjoy it. Or taking my dog out for a walk and then stop for some Pinkberry. Because you have to have Pinkberry if you're walking your dog. They have water bowls outside of their shops. Who can resist that? And then there's naps. Who doesn't enjoy naps???

and then the ADD kid inside of me says... hey get off your ass!!! I would go insane just being at home and doing NOTHING. I would probably go out and get a job just to keep myself occupied. It really is hard for me to sit at home for a week. It drives me insane. This girl was not raised to be a stay at home spirit.

but who am I kidding... staying at home. in my pajamas. sigh
why not?
maybe I could get a part time job doing something that I would have fun doing - like at a pet shop. Or in a book store. Just so that I can release some energy and so that I could feel as if though I contributed to society. and by part time... I mean 2 hours.. of course.

ah to wish.
ok back to reality - 9 to 5. mon-fri. semi-corporate America. paycheck to paycheck.

what would you do?

enjoy the silence
-Cin

marichui is my hero

I am mad.

I am happy.

I am sad.

I am excited.

all in a time span of two days.

you might think to yourself "self, Cin is bi-polar."

well guess what self... I'm not. true story. it's just my life.


let me explain.


I am mad at the fact that I have had a headache for about two days now. No, I am not on my period. Yes, I am blaming it on life. I will explain in the "I am sad" section.

I am happy because every time that I do something that is wedding related - like reserve rooms, or buy my name card stuff, or glitter (kidding, there will be no glitter), or sashes for my ladies - it brings a smile to my face. so much stuff has been happening lately, that it has not allowed me to really enjoy the fact that my wedding is slowly, but surely creeping up on me. This once more is life's fault. It throws plenty at you sometimes and keeps you occupied. You tend to forget to smell the roses, or to say "thank you" or "I love you." so recently I have allowed myself those guilty pleasures and have enjoyed those small wedding moments.

and then comes the I am sad part. Life always creeps back into your life to remind you that it is in control and always does it when you think you have things under control. This is where I was at. My grandma has improved tremendously from her surgery. She is almost back to her normal shit-talking self. This week she started chemotherapy. We knew that the tumor had reached her liver, but we were unsure as to how close it really was...until yesterday. Apparently, it has attached itself to her liver and there really isn't much that can be done for her. The doctor has given her 18 months to live. The chemo that is being given to her is only so that the cancer will not reach her pancreas and therefore giving her more time to live. Of course everyone reacts to chemo differently and there have been plenty of people that have lasted longer than the 18 months that they were given. For now, we play the waiting game. The chemo will be given to her as long as her body can take it. If it becomes too much for her, then the chemo sessions will not continue. There is no way she wants to live if she will be suffering. This is where I get mad. Mad at life. Mad that it would do this to her. Mad that I cannot do a thing about it. And then the sadness hits me. I cannot dwell on it, but the thought is there- what if she cannot be there the day I get married?

For now she is here. And she took the first session like a true champ. This is why I am excited. There is hope. There really is. And with that I can share with her the latest step in my life. Soon it will be complete, and when it is I will show her with pride and joy. And I know that she will be there for many more times of joy.

so you see, I am not bi-polar. I am just living life the only way I know how. With a smile on my face. With tears in my eyes. With a fist in the air. And with a knot of butterflies in my stomach.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

and then there were three

So I have these crazy reminders that keep telling me “send out your invitations!” “you should be sending out your invites by now!” and all I can think of is AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I don’t have my invites as of yet. I ordered them, per say. But the girl that so graciously offered to get them to me for free – has not produced them as of yet. Not even one. I did finalize and gave the thumbs up to the ones I want, but the invites are still MIA.

I can either freak out about this and scream bloody murder at her.
Or
I can just ask? And act shy because I am asking.

I secretly choose the first option, but will probably end up doing the second.

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On to other things – I am going to Disney today after work with a friend of mine. It should be fun because I know that we will spend the majority of the time laughing.
Because of the special occasion (there really isn’t any other than us wanting to hang out), I decided to straighten out my mane this morning. Little did I know, my mane had somehow sabotaged this great idea of mine. I walk over to my dresser and what do I find … a dead flat iron?!?!?! My flat iron seems to have given up on life and on me because although it is working – it isn’t really heating up, which means that something that would have taken me 20-30 minutes to straighten out, took me 45 minutes. And it’s not as straight as it normally leaves it. So now I have to go to my local beauty supply, Tia Juanita, and get hooked up with a new and improved bad ass flat iron. To top it all off, I get to walk around Disney with a mane that was partially tamed and that is laughing at me because it was slightly victorious. point 1 for you.

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did you know that they are trying to sell some historical landmarks here in California due to the budget crisis????? man I know that times are tough. and I know that there is an economic crisis going around - along with the swine flu. but I never thought it would get to this. This is serious. At least it is to me. First of all, I have heard that California is a wealthy state. One that is able to hold it's own if it really wanted to. And yet we have come to this.
The LA Memorial Coliseum is one of the landmarks that is up for grabs and it has a potential buyer already - USC! Some organization has stated that it's not for sell. It does not belong to the state therefore the state cannot sell it, even if Arnold gives the green light.
I say sell it. I mean, if the Trojans are going to use it for the same purpose that they have been using it for all of this time (owning other football teams that step in their domain) and they will be helping the state out by paying for it - why not??? I am sure that they will make improvements and fix that speaker system that BLOWS. Maybe they can put an elevator in certain sections because sometimes its just hard to go up those stairs.
So I might like the idea of USC owning the Coliseum (that might have to do with me being a fan FIGHT ON!!!), but there is also the possibility that some of our landmarks might be sold off to corporations that if they wanted to, they could rename, redo, or destroy them.
Arnold... your act as a governor is as bad as your act as a kindergarten cop.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

these have nothing and everything to do with each other

So I’m back to the Cin-that-doesn’t-drink.
I admit that I slipped for a weekend or two, but it really wasn’t my fault. I am going to let Mr. Tortilla Face take all of the blame on this one.
Anywho – so it’s back to no drinks for Cin.
YAY.

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You know how sometimes you really hate your job. I mean you really hate your job. I have those days too. Not today though. Today I am a walking zombie and am not able to register hatred as of yet, but the day's not over so there is still hope.

Anywho, moving along – so sometimes you hate your job so much that you start raging about it. And sometimes you think to yourself or out loud “Man I wish I could just be at home right now.” Or “I just need a month off to REALLY relax!!!” Come on admit it, we have said that at some point in our working lives.

What about those people that chose not to work for whatever reason? Do you think that they ever sit at home, or on the park bench that they call home and say “Man, I hate not working! I wish I had a real job instead of begging for money/ mooching off my parents” or “I wish I could just work for ONE year so that I can get away from this life of mine in which I am doing nothing but taking naps when I please!”
what? I'm sure it happens...

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My friend mentioned to me this morning that over the weekend they saw an old friend of theirs out on the street.
I asked “did you stop to say hello?”
my friend said, “no. I couldn't ever imagine seeing my friend how he looked this morning and it just freaked me out.”
So I asked, “what was wrong with your friend?”
“he was drunk – couldn't even hold himself up. He looked like if he lived in the streets and that wasn't even the neighborhood that he lives in.”
I got caught in a silent moment and said “that’s sad.”
Then my friend said something that made me wonder
“about two years ago he got into heavy drinking and all of his family tried to get him to stop. They always had disputes within the family because of his drinking and each time he just went back to it and got worse. Now look at him, out on the street. I never thought he would let himself go.”
“if he was an alcoholic that never wanted help, what made you think that he would not end up this way?”
He stayed quiet. “well I kinda knew it would happen. But I just hoped that he would eventually listen to his family.”
My response. “at least he is still sorta alive.”
What did I wonder about you might ask? : Why was this such a shocker? You can't help those that do not want your help. Even if deep down inside you only want what is best for them. If that person doesn’t want it, then it doesn’t matter what you want. So what happens next? Do you give up on them? Or do you keep pushing for them to change, hoping that one day they will give up and change?

enjoy the silence

-Cin

mr nice guy? or mr great guy?

I had a big ol' blog typed up about a whole lotta nothing and I deleted it because I am tight like that. so now this post will be full of a whole lotta crap with some exciting crap added to it.

so today I was reminiscing about some people from my past. not because I miss them or want them back in my life, but because I had a good time with them when they were there. I really do try to take the good times/memories with me so that I can smile about them later.

I used to have this ex-boyfriend in high school that was a really nice guy. really good looking. very shy. beautiful eyes. nice mouth. but he lacked leadership skills. I think this, plus his raging hormones is what turned me off about him.
Still the good times is what I remember - like how he used to let me talk and talk and talk. (although I think a lot of this had to do with him being shy) And when we hung out at school, he was a gentleman and would hold my books. he used to brag to others that I was his girlfriend like if I was a big deal (well I am, but he didn't need to tell the world). He really did make me feel like if I was a nice girl. All of it used to make me smile.
And then we broke up.
I can't remember why. what can I say it was high school But I do remember that we saw each other like 2 years later and I thought to myself - what if we got back together again?

I don't regret the break-up or the fact that I never pursued the question above. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Maybe that nice guy just wasn't meant for me. Obviously he isn't because I have Mr. Tortilla Face and I can't see myself with anyone else.
I do wonder though what kind of person I would be now if I would have stayed with him. that is if we would have lasted after high school I wonder if I would have kids now. I wonder if I would have eventually gotten ... quieter.

ok I am done with the wondering. He was a nice guy and I appreciate the memories given, but when it comes down to it - he was just a stepping stone. Things happened between him and I for a reason. And I might not know what that reason is, but I do know that somehow it led me to Mr. Tortilla Face. Let's face it, he might not be the sweetest guy out there. And I definitely would not classify him as a nice guy. but he is a great guy. And only he knows how to battle me to death and make me smile all in one hour. How could I ask for more?
although a fuller set of lips wouldn't be too much to ask for right? kidding. he knows I love kissing him.

enjoy the silence
-Cin

i broke the no drinking policy for my mom

ok so I know that I keep saying this, but things have been hectic for me lately.
seriously they have.
with my grandma in the hospital (she is much better, thanks to all that had her in mind. the battle isn't over yet, but we have passed phase 1) anywho, with her being sick and with family functions to deal with and with work and also with the wedding and other stuff that is going on - I have not had one weekend where I get to sit at home and lay in bed and watch TV. just typing that was a mouthful.
I need one of those relaxing weekends quickly. I am running on... actually I don't know where the energy is coming from, but its there and I'm running on it.

since that weekend still hasn't come, let me share what went down this past weekend:
Saturday comes around and I got my mom drunk. You see, the whole family has been under a lot of stress with my grandma in the hospital and all. So now that she is staying at my mom's a lot of the stress has been lifted and my mom was finally able to sigh a breath of relief. Naturally, I did what every good daughter does when their mom needs to blow off some steam - I got her wasted. Well it wasn't me really, Mr. Tortilla Face had a lot to do with it. The point is - she enjoyed herself. This is not something that I normally do, but she had mentioned to me over and over again that she needed to get out of the house. So we picked her up, went to a G's game and rocked the hell out of the HDC. And our team won! Sure she puked a little here and there and she did run in the street trying to escape from us and she also argued with the hot dog man. But it was all clean fun and she didn't even remember half of it the next day.

Then Sunday rolled around and once more instead of staying home and relaxing, I ran out with my good friend Devina and Mr. Tortilla Face and explored this great Japanese restaurant. What's so great about this you ask???? Well, I love seafood. But seafood doesn't love me, specifically fish. Fish gives me a fever and a rash. So whenever someone said, "let's go for sushi!" I would decline and hide under a desk. until this weekend. This weekend I told myself that I have to get my body used to fish again and tried some sushi ... it is now Tuesday and still no sign of a fever or of a rash. yay!!!!!! of course this does not mean that I am back on the fish fan club. I have to take it slow and experiment with different fish to see if the allergy has gone away or if it's just certain fish. but it's a great start.

ok so maybe this might not be as exciting to other people, but to me both of these things mean something. My mom getting wasted was a sign of the whole family being less tense about my grandma's situation. She was the one holding us together, and with her taking a breather it allowed all of us to do the same. And with the fish, well it's not a sigh of relief or anything along those lines, but it was a happy moment for me because I hate limitations. This will allow me to go to different parts of the city that I have avoided in the past and not feel left out when everyone is raging about how great the food is.

and now to another busy weekend. actually, I only have one thing lined up. Sounds kinda boring... so I will have to find something to fill it with. =)

enjoy the silence
-Cin