bridezilla or loner

I realized last night that I have a lot of stuff to do for the wedding and I have no idea why I haven't done any of it (especially the small stuff). I already know what I want. I pretty much have shopped around and know where to go for what I need, yet I've managed to do nothing about it. I am so used to being a procrastinator and leaving shit until the last minute (I am one of those shoppers running around the mall on Christmas eve), but my gut instinct tells me that I shouldn't procrastinate for this occasion.

In my defense, I know that my procrastination is not the only one to blame - at least not this time.

a lot of it has to do with the lack of motivation. I am very motivated for August to show up and be over with. I am very motivated to get in my dress and prance around like a princess for a day. I am very motivated to start my life as Mrs. Tortilla-Face.

I just don't have any motivation to get anything done because as soon as I start to work on a project: I usually get excited. I show "x" friend or family member or tortilla face. And for the most part, "x" person is not as excited as I am. I know that it's my vision so they may not see things like I do. And I don't expect them to have the same level of excitement as I do. But man... this is my wedding. its a celebration bitches. fake it. anywho - the lack of excitement or interest from certain people just deflates my own motivation.

People have told me "who cares if no one is excited... it's your day!" That is slightly true. Although it might be "my day", I would love it if I could share it with those that matter to me. When those people would rather talk about the economy or the weather, it bums me out. What good is "my day" going to be if the people that matter only want to know when, where, and what's being served?

maybe I am over-reacting and blowing things out of proportion. I admit that drama is sometimes welcomed in my life. And I am not stupid - I know that just because I am getting married, it does not mean that everyone should stop their lives and tend to me 24.7. I just want those that I care for to be there with me.

Whatevs. I'll get over it. Like I always do. For now let me enjoy my moment even if it's one that makes me sad.

enjoy the silence
-Cin