I think that I am older now

Mr. Tortilla Face left last week to his yearly March Madness trip with his friends. The day he left he came to have lunch with me because sometimes he knows how to play the sweet boyfriend/fiance.
when I came back from lunch, I was instantly asked, "aw. do you miss him?" I laughed in my head and answered "no. I just saw him."

the next day, I came in dragging due to my recent episodes of staying up late, and once more I was asked "aw. you look sad. do you miss your tortilla face?" this time I laughed out loud (lol) "no. its barely been a day. I'm just tired. I stayed up late watching the first 48 hours." their reply "aw. you're keeping yourself busy." I smiled politely. I really wasn't missing him. I was just tired.

later on in the day I caught myself saying something that he constantly says and laughed out loud again... to myself. the girls looked at me like they always do when I have jokes that are meant for me only.

"what's so funny?"

"I just caught myself saying "whaaaaat?" like Mr. Tortilla Face says it."

"awwwwww."

cell phone goes off, its his ringtone and they know it.

"awwww. you guys are in sync. its like if he knew you were thinking about him."

polite smile. coincidence. nothing more then that.

Friday rolled around and on this day we only spoke through texting. I went out with Devina, and their just wasn't any time to fit in a phone conversation. I will admit that on that day I missed his face... and the rest that comes with it. Good thing I wasn't at work and I was able to avoid another "awwww."

Saturday came and once more I was busy, this time with JZ. Although I was excited that he was back, the errands I had to run kept me occupied and it didn't cross my mind. he showed up later that night and brought a true smile to my face.

I had missed him, there is no denying it.

I am so used to being around him, that when he takes off every year I freak out. By freak out I mean I get kind of sad and gloomy. Its not a jealousy thing. Its not a trust issue. its just being out of my comfort zone. We spend so much time together that he has become a big part of my comfort zone and when he takes off... I get lonely. This usually leads to me waiting anxiously until he gets back. I wonder when will he call. And I usually don't make plans at night because I do not want to miss his call. pathetic right?
well as time has gone by, I have handled this differently. Each year it has become better and less lonely. This year I simply kept myself busy and enjoyed the time to myself. Although I wasn't really alone, but still.
This new development doesn't mean he can just take off for days at a time. it just means that I can handle it better. I missed him and was still able to remain in my comfort zone. It's all part of growing up and I like this part of aging.

aren't you proud of me? I am!

enjoy the silence
-Cin