to cuddle or not to cuddle

contrary to popular belief... I love to give and receive affection

I really do not know why people doubt that I am the affectionate type and why I feel the need to have to defend my ability to give and receive affection. yet I do it plenty of times (look at me now, I am even blogging about it)

I have heard on many occasions from friends and even family that I do not seem like the type that likes it.
My sister once told me that she knows that I don't like to show my emotions, so that is why she is reserved with me. yet, this same sister gets in bed with me to watch television and calls me her "hermanita" in baby talk. And this is the same sister that gave me a hug just the other day because we had not seen each other in a good while even though we live so close. And we said "hey... " in excitement because we finally hung out. its a bit trickier with family because in a way its a given that I love them. still, I know that its nice to hear it sometimes. so since we are not the verbal type in my family - I show it. or at least I think I show it.
With some of my friends, I do not know whether I should give them a hug when I haven't seen them in a long time because some of them seem standoffish. And although its what I intend to do, its hard to try to get a reading on their body language while going in for the hug and then pulling back if they seem weirded out by the embrace. by then it all seems awkward to hug. Sometimes I feel like saying "man, I've missed you." (although my friend might not necessarily be a man) and all that comes out is "hey! I haven't talked to you in a while." once more, I hold back because I do not know how they will take it.

in reality, I love showing people that I care. Even if its in my style - subtle. I like to do those little things that I know will let my friends or family know that I pay attention. And I love when people appreciate me in their life.

maybe if I do less shit-talking people will see that deep down inside I am a cuddly care bear that loves to share rainbows and smiles. ok maybe not that far, but I really do like showing and receiving affection. Well, considering that my ability to talk shit will probably not end any time soon - I guess that for now I will just have to continue proving my affection-giving abilities.

enjoy the silence (what the heck, enjoy an Internet hug from me as well)
-Cin