shitty attitude...

this is what I have today. I've had it since yesterday actually. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but something has triggered a shitty attitude within me. and whatever that something is or was, the attitude has lingered on until today. And no it is not aunt flow making her monthly visit that has me bothered. Not even close
Man, why do people suck???
This kind of attitude, the shitty one, is the one that I hate the most. It bothers me because I can never figure out what pissed me off so much that I cannot get over it. As hard as I try, I can never remember what it was that set me off to begin with. Maybe it wasn't even a big deal. Maybe it was just a look someone gave me. Maybe it was a big deal and I should address it. I guess I will never know because the only thing I do remember is that it (whatever it is), put me in a bad mood and I can't shake it off.

let me help you understand my shitty mood the best way I can:
today is the day where you wake up on time, ready to face the day ahead of you. only to find out that you ran out of shampoo... while you are in the shower. And of course, you haven't gone to the store lately so you don't have a spare one. you make the best of it and use soap, making a mental note that you must stop to get shampoo. there really is no need to be negative so early in the morning. it's a quick fix.
you get dressed. head out with enough time to make it to work... only to realize that you have no gas. And now you have to stop at the gas station, which means you will be late to work. It's ok really, still not mad. You will simply call and let your boss know. You're hardly ever late, he will understand.
Finally, you rush into work and you settle in and go about your daily routine. When of course, today would be that day when your boss needs you to research this, call here, print that - he is super busy and somehow he has finally decided that you are adequate enough to assist him. This in turn puts you behind in your own workload. The constant little projects he is giving you with deadlines are starting to get under your skin. Will he ever do any of his own work? You complete everything, quietly, but secretly cursing him out. You just want the day to end. You don't even bother complaining.
Finally, after a long day at work - no lunch - you head back on the highway and sit in traffic. Yes, the day can get worse.
Home sweet home. all you want to do is rest, but yes, this is too much to ask for. your loved one wants to tell you all about their day. On a regular day this would not be a problem, but today... today you wish you had some strong duct tape. That optimistic person that woke up this morning is no longer in sight. All you contribute to the conversation is on the negative end. Irritation and sarcasm is oozing out of each sentence that you blurt out. Can it be any more obvious? And even when your loved one genuinely asks what is wrong... you turn the tables. Somehow it's their fault. No if's and but's about it. Finally they've had enough and let you know that "god, you're in a shitty mood today." DING! DING! DING! they are correct. But instead of winning a prize, they win more attitude.
Time for bed. This wretched day is over. Nothing else can possibly go wrong. And nothing does. but as you lay in bed something deep inside of you keeps flashing red. What can it be? Why is your mind unsettled? Why does it feel as if though you forgot something? What can it possibly be? ..... then it hits you. damn that shampoo. you forgot all about it. hopefully there's still soap.

and this ladies and gents, is how I have been feeling since yesterday. things keep piling up only to worsen my mood. and I am sure that I have taken it out on a few here and there. sorry if this applies to you. Jeremy, I know he's one of them. his patience still amazes me. so what can I do? c'est la vie. maybe this post helped me out. and if not... there will always be tomorrow.

enjoy the silence.

Cin