to be a friend.. or not to be

Friendships are like relationships. you have to care for them and nourish them and take time for them just like when being a relationship. It will not grow on its own. It needs a little TLC just like everything else. Just like in relationships, friends come in different levels. Some people are friendly acquaintances. You might work with this group or go to school with them. They are fun to hang out with, go have a drink, watch a movie, share a joke. Some are friends because of routine. These are the folks you say hi to on the bus. Or the ones that you say hello to when you are walking out of your building. They're not really friends. You might not even know their names, but there is contact. And then there are the ones that help your life run smoothly. The ones that you can call on a monthly basis and talk as if though there was never a void. The ones you actually miss. Those are the true friends.
Unfortunately, some people do not understand the concept of a friendship. For the sake of me being an analytical person, I am going to share two different people in regards to this:
My first "friend" was actually really close with me. We used to talk a lot. We used to hang out a lot. We did the typical "BFF" stuff. Until work came in the way and it opened my eyes to her true nature. I knew she was competitive and I knew she wanted more out of her life. This is a good characteristic to have. But she went beyond being a competitive person. She became ruthless. She stopped communicating and trusting . In my opinion those are the two main things that help a relationship/friendship grow. Once both are gone, why bother? Why did she switch on me? What went so wrong that she treated me like an enemy? She was a weak person with a strong mask. She knew how to play the part really well. She wanted to pretend that she was this great an independent strong woman, when she was a sad little girl that needed her father. The lack of a father role in her life caused a lot of pain and destruction for her. She needed someone in her life and unfortunately, she became an empty little girl. She lost sight of our friendship because of all of the stuff going on in her life and now we have gone different ways. I can really say so many negative things about her. But for the sake of being a human being and not stooping to her level... I will end this story with - I hope we never have to cross paths again. Funny how close we used to be. Now, I don't even want to share the same air with her.
My second "friend" is/ was not as close. We have talked a good amount, but I cannot tell you that we are really and truly close. I still have some of my guard up. This friend, is younger then I am. And I can really tell the difference between us in her decision-making and her outlook in life. Her age does not really bother me. I can deal with her being younger. But, I have learned that she has a lot of personal problems that she blames on everyone but herself. She seems to like to play the pity game. Who will pity her so that she will feel better with her life which has become really involved with lies. Her lies are big ones, small ones, pointless ones. This says a lot about her. And I cannot stand the lies. They have started to overlap with our friendship and it is slowly turning me off and away from her. I try to give my all to the friendship, but this one seems one-sided. And it seems as if though it is a game to a little girl. I have grown out of time for games. I'd rather disconnect myself from these people. This story has a simple ending; I have not given up on this person as of yet. I will confront them and give them a chance. But if I get let down... I will push away completely. It is pointless to have a liar as a friend.
So why have I shared these stories? Well these stories and these people are a part of me in one way or another. They have caused some kind of impact in my life and I am now able to step away from bad friends much quicker. The first friend prepared me in one way for the second one. I share their stories because I know that there are plenty of broken friendships out there. Mine are just added to the list. I share them because it helps me feel better. I know it will not erase what has happened, but I can go on. so having said all of that.... I have work to do.

enjoy the silence people
-Cin

tomorrow I will have three additional holes put on my body.